Sometimes I just think funny things

[Arthur suddenly laughs uproariously] Gloria: What’s so funny now? Arthur: Sometimes I just think funny things.

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It’d have to be a real BIG woman

Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking. Arthur: It’d have to be a real BIG woman.

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Perhaps you would like me to come in there and wash your dick for you, you little shit

Arthur: Hobson? Hobson: Yes. Arthur: Do you know what I’m going to do? Hobson: No, I don’t. Arthur: I’m going to take a bath. Hobson: I’ll alert the media. Arthur: [rises] Do you want to…

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