[the Kent farm was repossessed, but Clark gets it back]
Clark Kent: How did you get the house from the bank?
Bruce Wayne: I bought the bank.
Clark Kent: The whole bank?
Bruce Wayne: Slow your reflex with me, I’m old. Continue reading
Thor: Let me get this straight. You’re going to put your crown into the Eternal Flame, and you suddenly grow big as a house?
Surtur: A MOUNTAIN!
Thor: The Eternal Flame that Odin keeps locked away in Asgard?
Surtur: Odin is not on Asgard. And your absence has left the throne defenseless.
Thor: Okay. So, where is this crown?
Surtur: [points at the crown] This is my crown. The source of my power!
Thor: Oh, that’s your crown? I thought it was a big eyebrow.
Surtur: It’s a crown!
Thor: Anyway, it sounds like all I have to do to stop Ragnarok is rip that thing off your head.
Surtur: But Ragnarok has already begun! You cannot stop it! I am Asgard’s doom, and so are you! All will suffer, all will burn!
Thor: Oh, that’s intense. You know to be honest, seeing you grow really big and set fire to a planet would be quite the spectacle. But it looks like I’ll have to choose Option B, where I bust out of these chains, knock that tiara off your head, and stash you away in Asgard’s vault. Continue reading
Cable: Your time’s up, dumbass.
That’s just lazy writing. Continue reading
Drax: [Looking at Batteries] What are they called again?
Peter Quill: Anulax batteries.
Drax: Harbulary batteries.
Peter Quill: That’s nothing like what I just said. Continue reading
Nebula: [being tied up] I’m hungry. Hand me some of that yaro root.
Gamora: No. It’s not ripe yet… and I hate you. Continue reading
Yondu: What is it Kraglin?
Kraglin: Hey, remember that Ayesha chick?
Yondu: Yeah, why?
[Yondu sees a fleet of Sovereign ships appear]
Yondu: Oh, hell! Continue reading
Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Peter Quill: You read minds?
Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts, Empaths feel feelings, Emotions.
Mantis: [to Peter] May I?
Peter Quill: All right.
Mantis: [Mantis touches Peter’s hand] You feel… love.
Peter Quill: Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody…
Mantis: No! Romantic, sexual love.
Peter Quill: No. No, I don’t.
Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her!
Peter Quill: No, no. No, I don’t.
Mantis: [points to Gamora] For her.
Peter Quill: No! That is not…
[Drax starts laughing hysterically]
Peter Quill: Okay… That’s…
Drax: [still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Peter Quill: Dude, come on, I think you’re overreacting a little bit.
Drax: [still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!
Drax: [to Mantis] Do me! Do me! Do me!
[Mantis touches Drax and she starts laughing hysterically]
Mantis: I’ve never felt such humor!
Peter Quill: So unbelievably uncool.
Drax: Oh, Quill…
[Mantis walks over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora: Touch me, and the *only* thing you’re gonna feel is a broken jaw. Continue reading
Nebula: [sneering] Look at you, a Garden of the Galaxy!
Gamora: It’s Guardian! Why would I be a Garden of the Galaxy?
[Drax laughs] Continue reading
Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like… down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Peter Quill: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he’s a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Peter Quill: I don’t need to hear how my parents…
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Peter Quill: That’s disgusting.
Drax: It was beautiful. You earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you!
Ego: It’s not half bad. Continue reading
[Yondu is floating in the air, hanging on his arrow]
Peter Quill: You look like Mary Poppins.
Yondu: Is he cool?
Peter Quill: Hell yeah, he’s cool.
Yondu: I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!. Continue reading
Bob is gonna fire you the second I’m gone, Guaranteed.
That means you’re out on the street alone looking for a job.
That means all the time that we spent together, all the lattes, all the canceled dates, all the midnight Tampax runs, were all for nothing and all your dreams of being an editor are gone.
But don’t worry, after the required allotment of time, we’ll get a quickie divorce and you’ll be done with me.
But untill then, like it or not,
Your wagon is hitched to mine. Ok? Phone.
– Margaret Tate Continue reading
Margaret Tate: They’re looking for terrorists, not for book publishers.
Andrew Paxton: Margaret.
Margaret Tate: Yes?
Andrew Paxton: I’m not gonna marry you.
Margaret Tate: Sure you are.
Because if you don’t marry me, your dreams of touching the lives of millions with the written word are dead. Continue reading